Let the Crying Begin

And so it begins.

As I was watching Timothy crawl around at the local drop-in today, something clenched my heart and I almost started crying. When he flashed me a wide smile and crawled towards me, I hugged him very tightly, fighting with emotions.

Next Friday he starts daycare, full-time. The three days leading into it will be his transition. I can’t push the thought of it aside any longer.


He won’t be by my side all day long anymore. I won’t be able to hug him and feel his warm little body, smell his hair, see his smile any time I want to.

He woke up from his second nap today, all smiles and babbles, happily slapping my cheeks – and I grabbed him and hugged him and kissed him. And cried. And cried. Hiding from him.

This is hard. Really, really hard.

17 thoughts on “Let the Crying Begin

  1. Artistmouse

    I’m sorry this is so difficult for you. As sad as you may be about the prospect now, you may surprise yourself when the time comes; it may not be as hard as you think it will be.

    And if it is, you can tell us about it and we’ll be here to try to lift you up.

  2. Zoe Rose @ papillonroses

    My baby is about the same age, and when I go back to my degree in two weeks (ahh!) she will be in nursery for three half days. I’m lucky that I don’t have too many contact hours so I’ll still get to see her, but even the thought of that time apart is horrible. I’m sure that she, and Timothy will love all the interaction and other children though. Keep smiling, he looks like a beautiful little boy!

    1. newtorontomom Post author

      Yes, watching Timothy among other kids and adults, I am fairly certain he’ll be fine. He goes out there and explores, rarely looking back for me.

      It’s crazy how attached I am to him. He goes to bed at 7 pm; by the time go to bed, I already miss him!

      1. Katy

        When my brother was born and was about 5-7 months my mom left me (6 years old) with him for an hour or so while she went for groceries and said that if he starts crying i should sing him a lullaby… And I loved him so much and i was so excited that now i have a chance to spend some MY time with him, that i sat next to his crib, stared at him and start waiting. But he was sleeping… so I started to quietly sing… then louder… and louder…. until he finally woke up! 🙂 so I had a chance to “put him back to sleep”. A year after I was trying to escape this “watch-your-little-brother” tasks :-). We all miss the time we can’t spend with our loved ones, and, I guess, mothers miss babies most of all. But I am sure daycare will give you more advantages then you can think of now and you’ll value both: time spent alone and with Timothey.

  3. Dida Sundet

    All the best! I can’t imagine having to leave my son anywhere on a regular basis yet. I think we’ve been apart perhaps 10 hours all up since he was born. I bet Timothy will have a blast in daycare with the other kids. Good luck!!

    1. Tanya Post author

      Thank you Dida!
      Hmmmm. I don’t think we have ever been apart for even 10 hours (other than when he sleeps, that is). He never really took the bottle and nursing came down to twice a day only a couple of weeks ago. I think 6 hours was probably the longest time apart!!!

      1. Dida Sundet

        Oh, it’s 10 hours divided into little bits here and there. The longest in one stretch would probably be just over 2. 🙂 Anakin always hated bottles too. He’s just bumped his feeds up to 4-5 times a day again from 3. Not sure why. Did you have to wean Timothy off a feed or did he cut down himself?

        1. Tanya Littleberry Post author

          Oh, I understand now 🙂 Well, I did go out in the evenings a few times. Not too often – but definitely more than 10 hours in total.

          I think I weaned Timothy. I knew he’ll be going to daycare, so dropping all daytime nursings seemed too cruel – on top of being in a new environment, so I just gradually weaned him. We never had any rhyme or rhythm to his nursing sessions: it didn’t have to be before or after sleep or meals – it was whenever he wanted. So he had no clear expectations like “oh, I just ate, so where’s my boob?”

          So I just stretched the time between nursings a bit, offering him water and bananas and whatnot. It took about 3 weeks. But every now and then he whines for some nursing during he day – and I nurse him while I still can! 🙂

  4. babiesandus

    I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I can’t imagine leaving my little girl behind and am feeling so privelaged to be able to work from home. Lots of strength to you!

    1. Tanya Littleberry Post author

      Thank you!
      At times I wish I could work from home or have some other arrangements. At times I think it’s good – for me to reclaim a bit of myself, for him to learn new skills and interact more with others.
      But then of course it’s more the logical part of me thinking. The emotional one feels like holding him tightly and never letting go. Only he always wriggles himself free.. 🙂


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